A fraud, that´s how I felt for many years.
I wans´t sure of what to do about it. It was a hard feeling to deal with, a permanent discomfort, something as wearing somebody elses´clothes. Or worse: somebody elses´shoes, too tight or too large.
For many years in my life, I tried to find ways out of this. Of letting to be a fraud and become me, or something that felt more truly me or that it felt more like the true me.
The problem with this life we live is there´s always some sort or level of expectation we´re supose to reach or achieve somehow. We´re supose to fit a certain pattern that is usually too tight: the perfect family, the dream job, the dream house, so on and so forth.
And I guess this some is an impressive number of people that spend their lives fighting against this discomfort.
"Why did I write? Because I found life unsatisfactory", said Tenesse Williams, and I´ve heard and read similar sentences from different types of artists. I am not sure if every artist is always someone whose not satisfied with his/her life. I would dare to say so.
Once I understood life wasn´t satisfactory, that I had to find my way to deal with the dissatisfaction I had inside, I begun to change. It hasn´t been easier, though, but I could find my way to my own satisfaction.
Now, I´m no longer a fraud. I´m something else, somehting I still cannot grasp, but that doesn´t matter to me. As long as I don´t feel like a fraud, I´m all right.
